Just another Friday night!

It is 11:30 on my first night shift out of three! It kind of stinks but I was off Wednesday, Thursday and today. It worked out good, since I got to cook a lot, clean a little, and spend more time with the girls! I also got to go to Kate's preschool conference this morning which was great! Mom and dad have been busy with poor Boone, so it really helped that I could take care of the girls.

Making memories

Here I am on a Wednesday morning at 3:43. I am over halfway through my second night on a four night stretch! Thankfully I am feeling pretty good...tired but good! It seems like I get more emotional on these shifts! They really make me miss my girls, and they really make me think just how thankful I  for them! I am still watching my eating and working out over the holidays, but I am trying to also enjoy things like baking cookies and enjoying them. I feel like I have gained a little since Thsnksgiving, but my diet has not been that bad so who knows. I'll just keep going and see where I am in January. I was thinking tonight that Christmas is exactly two weeks away and how quickly it will be here. I really want to live in the moment and make some wonderful memories. I was reminiscing tonight of when we used to go Christmas caroling in Hickory! I am planning to bake cookies this week with the girls and hopefully we will go see the lights this weekend!

Back on track!

Got back on track this week after a higher carb week and Halloween! I felt awesome this morning and weighed in at 161.2! I think what made the biggest difference was doing legs and shoulders yesterday afternoon and eating good! I think this was the first time we have been good on a Friday night and I loved it! We made a healthy pizza with oatflour crust and chicken! It was very good and even the girls like it! Then for desert we split one banana with peanut butter and dark chocolate chips! It was delicious! I realized this morning that I could get down to what I weighed in high school which I never thought was possible! We'll see I want to focus more on how I look than what I weigh, and I've definitely got to pack on some mord muscle on this frame! Think I'll take a well deserved break tonight with some homemade Mexican, queso, and cerveca!

Well here I am at work on another Saturday. At least I won't have to do this again until December! It is going to be a gorgeous fall day today, so that kinda stinks. I got back on track last week. It was actually easy, and I feel great. If anything I feel a little leaner! Probably not but at least I feel great. I guess it goes to show you can take a week off from training and eat bad and then get back on track. It can be done! One positive about working all day on Saturday is that I eat good! Now if I could just work out too! I've got two nights next week. I am planning to do at least chest, back and shoulders before they start and then maybe legs next weekend. I think I may have strained something doing legs on Thursday, so it might be better to have a little more rest before hitting them again. Oh how I love my leg day! Also need to research and think about changing up my workout a little. I feel like I've made so much progress, but wonder what I could do if I added and changed things up a bit! Then again I think just keep doing what you are doing and wait until January then you will really make progress...well enough rambling.

I have been thinking about October 15th, which is baby loss day. A few people posted something on the 15th to recognize this day, and I did nothing. I didn't even think to light a candle. I guess you could say that is a good thing in one way. Life has become so "normal" for me that I don't even think about things like that. However I am disappointed in myself. I remember after losing Luke thinking why don't people talk more about losing babies, and I remember thinking that wouldn't be me. I would change things. Umm no that didn't happen. Well next year I hope that I will light a candle and think about my sweet boy.

I kind of feel like I am at a critical point right now! In the past week I can tell I have gained a little and not in a good way! I survived and actually did great over the weekend of Oktoberfest! However this past week has been different. I still feel good and motivated and I am not letting this bring me down! Last Thursday we went to Zac brown. On Friday I had my procedure at Dr. Watters-for some reason this was my downfall last year! They said I could do elliptical but no lifting for a week. I guess that's where the problem came in! The change in my schedule along with no lifting messed me up. Rob and Kim came down on Tuesday...I was doing pretty good eating until then! Well minus the usual weekend. We ate a lot along with zero working out! I did workout once last week-I had a pretty good 30 minute elliptical workout Monday afternoon. Rob and Kim left on Thursday which was depressing then I had to work 9-7 that night. Now I am working 12 hours today on Saturday. While Steve is home with sick girls! The positive for me is that it is easy to eat good today since I'm at work. Since it has been a week I am thinking of working out tonight after the girls go to bed. I am ready to get back on track and prove I can do this even when things get hard. I am excited to get that fitness feeling back and maybe shred a little fat! Definitely ready to pack on some muscle. I know I will do this! I have come too far to slip back in my old habits!

Well my 12 week live fit trainer has now ended! I like to think of it more as a 12 week transformation, since I didn’t actually follow the program. It was a springboard that got me going. I started lifting again and cleaned up my diet. I ended up losing 5 pounds, but I think it was probably closer to 7 to 8 pounds, since I also put on some lean muscle. Things definitely started slowing down towards the end of the 12 weeks, and I actually started increasing my calories and carbs a bit in the last few weeks. It is amazing how things like this mess with your head! I have put on a few pounds in the past two weeks. I can tell that this could be the downfall for me. Maybe in the past it would, and for no other reason than I am not losing weight….my metabolism must be wrecked from all of this low calorie/low carb dieting. Um, my calories were probably around 1700, not that bad! My carbs were a little on the low side, but I think I have fixed that. For example I was eating ¼ of oatmeal along with my eggs for breakfast, and I am now up to 1/3 cup sometimes ½ cup. In addition I did all of this with minimal cardio. In fact the past week or two I did NO cardio! I want to start incorporating some HIIT, but not too much so hopefully it will have a bigger impact on fat loss. I just went back and checked my weights. On 6/11 I was 173.6 (all of these are at work) and on 8/8 (my lowest weight) I was 167.1, so that’s actually a total of 6.5 pounds! I also weighed in on 8/27 at 168.4 and today 9/1 at 169.95. Despite seeing my weight going up and knowing it’s not just muscle I actually feel pretty good. I am very optimistic about everything. I am at a very good weight right now. Of course I want to be super lean, but I have to be realistic and know that I have to look out towards my year goal and see where I am then. I also realize that you can’t continue to lose weight continuously. I have to learn to maintain and the scale will inevitably go up and down. I don’t think it will stay right at the same weight. I have to learn to deal with this, and I also will have to step away from the scale or I will go crazy! Of course weighing in from time to time is good also. Having said this I am going to try to get back to where I was a few weeks ago. I would like to do this with a little higher calorie/carb diet hopefully. Ideally I would like to maintain a weight (first thing in the morning) of 165. If I can do that through the end of December I will be happy! So to be more specific in the next month I am planning to:

1.       Keep weight training the same (would love to add in some Romanian leg lifts)

2.       Add in 1-2 days of HIIT

3.       Eat clean (around 1850 calories per day)

4.       Watch cheat days (these have gotten a little out of hand lately) I have to watch these and make sure I am getting my casein. I specifically need to work on Saturdays since this is the most important day of the week (leg day). May have to cut out cheats on this day altogether!

So we’ll see how it goes. Feeling pretty darn optimistic right now! In fact I KNOW I can do this!

August 21st

I have been in a little of a funk lately. I think it was a combination of a lot of things like getting ready for school, Doug and Steve's mom visiting and then leaving, overthinking things, IIFYM, reverse dieting, etc. on top of that things have really started to slow down, and at this point I don't want to decrease my calories or up my cardio. Right now I am giving myself a much needed little break. (Or at least for the past two days!) today I am getting back on track just trying to increase my calories a bit. I may try the reverse dieting thing, but right now I just don't feel like counting the calories! We'll see how it goes. I have to remind myself I am in a good place right now, so if I am not losing fat but gaining muscle that's ok!